My sister Amee loved Jason Aldean. So, naturally, when I heard this song on his new album I BAWLED. I have so many regrets when it comes to my sister. I always had the hope of one day being close to her again. She is 6 years older than me and like any little sister does, I thought she was amazing. She was so fun and at the same time she was so organized and a GREAT MOM (she had her first baby at 18). I loved being around her. I really did. Then, as things changed and certain decisions were made, I had to make the decision to back away but knowing that one day it would go back to how it was. I just didnt realize at the time that "one day" would mean after death. I know we will get that relationship back one day just like I thought I just hate that I waited so long. I chose to miss out on her for more years than I want to admit. I missed having her in my life and my boys life. It was a tough decision and one that at the time seemed so right but now was so wrong. If I only knew then. I'm having a rough go of it lately. Lots of things are reminding me of her. I was walking by a patients room the other day and I heard a voice coming from it that sounded EXACTLY like her. I found an excuse to pull the curtain open a little just to see. DUMB. Of course it wasn't her, but I wanted to see who the person was. I got a video camera from my in-laws and Chad and I have been playing around with it. I was looking back at the videos and in one I SOUNDED JUST LIKE HER and even LOOKED LIKE HER. It made me smile; but, I havent been able to watch it again. Weird how the Christmas right after was easier and this one isn't (I can't believe its been about a year and a half now). I miss the Amee I knew in my heart and I miss the relationship that could be now. One day. One day. I love her and I know she loves me and she loves my boys.
I can't wait to have a relationship with her again.
And, all the luckier,
it will be a perfect relationship because it will be in the most perfect place and perfect time.
Until we meet in another place and time...
3 comments:
I'm sorry you're struggling lately. I wish I could make things better and make it a little easier. I can't wait for you to have that 'perfect' relationship with her. =) Love ya!
Cristel I'm so sorry! I can't image what your going through. xoxo
That is so beautiful and so sad. I can tell you're closer to finding peace with this. It takes time.
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